There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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