is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
