Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
