i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
