i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
