I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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