Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
