I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
me + whiskey = a bad person
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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