my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
