ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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