I only kidnapped one of them. chill
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i think i have two assholes
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
