WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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