Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
