apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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