one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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