I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
