Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
