can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
bring money and cleavage
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
