we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
