Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
