I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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