What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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