This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
