come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
