Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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