i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I cannot find my penis.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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