she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
