Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
