So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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