Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
there was a trapeze. enough said
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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