i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
3pm strippers are depressing
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
