conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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