Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
