I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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