I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
