really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
