I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
