Who did Billy Mays play for?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
