For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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