Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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