Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
