yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
