I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My first STD was from a foam party
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
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