How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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