I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
