I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
