He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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