I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
