Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
