Banned from zoo.
Again?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
